Somewhere, there’s a big box of tribbles.

Having extra props means you have extra gifts at the end of production to give particularly hard-working people. People love souvenirs. Sure, maybe they end up selling them on e-Bay, but think of it as trickle-down economics.

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…or lost in a lake. Just sayin’…

If you have a special hero prop, try to make twice as many as you might need. If you need four “phase pistols,” make eight. You definitely won’t regret it.

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A tip o’ the hat…

Unless there’s something hidden under the hats, avoid hats on characters. All you’ll get is a lot of hat-acting.

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Although the outtakes are awesome!

If it’s an intense scene, try to not crack jokes getting ready for it.

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It’s like being a superhero.

If you’re crewing, bring a pair of gloves. Even cheapo dollar store gloves.

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3D in a relatively painless fashion

Blender is a fine way to start producing 3-D and it’s free.

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Unless the price of gold skyrockets.

There’s usually a difference in quality between really, really cheap cables and reasonably priced cables.

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Plus, you live in a glass house.

Even if you had a crappy time on set, keep it to yourself.

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“Stable” means “tripod,” by the way.

You can use an ordinary digital camera as an animation camera, as long as you can set it for the proper resolution and remote-shutter it.

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But not all in the same closet, please.

Make sure your location has running water, sinks, toilets, garbage service, and toilet paper. If it doesn’t, you need to supply this yourself.

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Rose City Underground episode Earthsong to play at Portland Horror Film Festival

Hellbender Media’s upcoming web series Rose City Underground explores a dark fantasy underpinning beneath the city of Portland. Its premiere episode Earthsong has been selected to play at the Portland Horror Film Festival.

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Stretch those chewy hamstrings!

Before you do stunts or other physically demanding action, take a few minutes to stretch and limber up. There’s a reason zombie hunters do it!

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Bingo! A spiny pee fish!

Please don’t ever have a character say “We’ve got company” to announce the arrival of monsters, bad guys, or other undesirables. You can do better. Likewise, “Bingo!” should probably never be used outside of the actual bingo parlor context.

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Hush!

If you can hear “Quiet on the set!” before a take, then that includes you.

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And this isn’t some European movie, now!

Always know what emotion you want your audience to feel, for every character, for every scene, and at the end of the movie. This is your compass, and as long as you follow it, you’ll always stay on track.

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Cinder blocks are sturdy.

Make your props out of something sturdy. Cardboard and balsa wood will shatter if you look at it cross-eyed.

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Naked sets are boring.

Dress your set. Walls have pictures, tables have things on them, shelves are sometimes in disarray.

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A short…. Look — a bunny!

You don’t have to make a feature every single time. You can make a short movie, ten minutes long. Or five minutes. Or even a minute long.

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Ackbar’s right, you know…

If you can set your computer up such that it can have no connectivity (such as an alternate hardware profile or a radios switch) as a bootup choice, do so and label that position “Working.” Keeps you off the Interwebs when you’re trying to get work done.

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Don’t Blow It!

If you’ve got scene cards, but you haven’t written the script yet, please number the scene cards.

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We’ve got the pow-ah!

Your location owner might have to lock their doors after a certain time, but if you ask nice, they might let you run an extension cord or two out through a little hole. Then, you can leave ’em coiled up after you’re done and come by in the morning and pick all your cords back up.

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Still, we managed.

If you’re going out on location, set up all your gear first, at the studio or at home, and then break it down into your van or car. This way, you know you have everything you need in the transport vessel.

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What did you expect for Tip #69?!

Don’t sleep with your leads, your stars. Sure, they’re attractive as crazy, but right now, your priority is making a movie.

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Choose Wisely

Trust your Assistant Director. If you can’t, then at least figure out what your expectations should be and make sure the two of you are on the same page. If your AD is both untrustworthy and unpredictable, get a new AD.

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Aieee!

Easy on using the Wilhelm Scream as a sound effect. Ten years ago, it was cute, but nowadays enough people know of it that using it actually distracts from your movie and breaks the story.

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Plus, fighting is cool!

Make every character a character that an actor can read and respond with “Man, this would be so awesome to play!”

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One-night music stand.

Don’t marry your temporary music score. It’s temporary for a reason.\

And now, a moment of silence…

Get at least one minute of clean ambient sound from every location. This is very important.

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Not to be confused with “hobo glue,” which is something completely different.

The same technique that will help you write a script will help you complete a movie: bum glue.

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But order it in advance!

If you have to rent a van, rent a van. It’s only about a hundred bucks a day, but think of what that hundred bucks gets you: You don’t have to worry about who’s bringing what piece of gear. Everybody just brings everything the few nights before to one location, and the night before, you pack it all in one van.

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Don’t be shocked!

Fix or repair broken cords, and do it right. If you can’t do it right, then cut them up and throw them away.

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And Dinner!

Remember you have a life outside of production. Everybody else does, too.

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Call it “Gravitas”

If you are using any miniatures (whether motorized or not, but especially if motorized), fill ’em with lead, wax, anything that’ll dry solid.

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Win This One!

It’s that time of year. If you’re a screenwriter, you can do a lot worse than winning or even placing in the Nicholl Fellowship.

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Noodles are for lunch!

You can noodle on a project forever. There will always be things you can fix, always things you can nudge, but that’s not progress — that’s stalling.

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Including conversations between takes, mind you…

Whoever’s holding the microphone boom pole needs headphones. They must be able to hear what the microphone’s picking up.

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Tension Breeds Resentment

When taping cables and cords down, always leave a very generous series of loops at each C-stand, tripod, or workstation. This is so you can move stuff around without retaping.

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Remember, though, that power corrupts.

If you don’t know who your boss is on set, then your boss is the Director. This doesn’t mean who gets to boss you around, it means who helps keep you steady-on with your piece of the big puzzle.

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The Wind Sounded Great!

ADR (depending on who you ask) is Automatic Dialogue Replacement. That’s when your actors come in to the studio and record lines over the outside crappy recording from on set. Pretty much every time you record outside, or in a noisy environment (such as a non-studio), you’re going to have to record ADR. Just plan for it.

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Keep an eye on the right things at the right times.

Always check your monitor to make sure you’re happy with your framing, but after that, watch your actors.

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The “Scotty Method” isn’t real.

If the makeup you want is going to take half an hour or an hour to apply, plan for that time. Don’t assume your makeup person is lying about how long it’ll take.

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Leave No Trace!

It’s worth it to buy actual gaffer’s tape. Duct tape leaves a residue and you don’t want that residue on your gear, on your cords, on your host’s carpets, walls, or furniture. Gaffer’s tape is clean.

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Still not a safety line, however…

When connecting one extension cord to another, or an extension cord to a light, try to always tie the cords in a knot before connecting them. That way, if the cords are pulled in opposite directions, they tighten instead of pulling loose.

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“Sudden Massive Tissue Loss” +100 points!

When loading shells in a mortar, try to drop them in with your non-dominant hand (if you’re right-handed, drop with the left hand). That way, if you experience Sudden Massive Tissue Loss, you still have your favorite hand.

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When’s the last time you read the script?

Your Script Supervisor is supposed to get in your face and interfere — their job is to make sure you aren’t screwing anything up. Listen to what’s being said.

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Look! The Sun!

Network, network, network! Meet other people making movies! You’re all in this together and you all offer unique talents. Yes, there’s a lot to be said for keeping your head down and working, but once in a while, you need to get out and meet other filmmakers.

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The world needs more ‘Lerts.

Be secure. Lock your personal stuff in your car or keep it on your person.

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“Fourple”

On a low budget movie set, a lot of people have double, triple, or fourple duties. On a low budget set, “fourple” is a word. No matter what you’re supposed to be doing, chances are, you’ll wind up doing some other things, too.

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After he destroys the Ring, of course.

You can’t just eject the warp core and hope a matter/antimatter explosion will produce a shock wave that let’s you surf out of the event horizon. That’s stupid. Find a more down-to-Earth solution to problems for your story.

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Wish there was a spray for ‘em.

Watch out for drama queens. Drama belongs in front of the camera, not behind it. If they are indispensable, contain them severely. If they are not indispensable, dispense with them.

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Except when they’re in the bathroom.

When writing a script, keep track of each character, and always try to know what they’re doing at any given point in the narrative, even if we never see it in the script or in the movie. Doing this helps keep the timing right, and the rhythm of the movie benefits from it.

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Or even a Furby!

Anyone who thinks animation has to be hyper-realistic in order to be emotionally connective never cried watching Bambi. Conversely, the more realistic an animation is, unless it is indistinguishable from real life, the creepier it is, even if it’s supposed to be happy. At best, you can achieve a creepy sort of happy. Usually, that becomes a “fail.”

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Like peas in a pod.

The Director, the AD, and the Cinematographer should always get on well with each other. Find time to make that happen.

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Yes, even a nuke.

If you must have a live weapon on set, such as a pistol, or a shotgun, or a nuclear weapon, have one expert dedicated to babysitting that object. They must never let it out of their sight. Pay attention to what they have to say. If they say the actor is being unsafe, fix the actor — don’t shush the expert.

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You Can Always Shake it in Post!

Get a tripod! Battlestar: Galactica was a fluke — if you don’t lock that camera down, you’re going to make your viewers queasy. You can pan and tilt and even dolly if you have one, but unless you have a real good compelling reason, please, please, please get that camera on the sticks!

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Even at the dollar store!

If you can’t pipe your sound into your camera, borrow a camera with a microphone jack and use that to record audio. There is no real difference between a ’spensive 16-bit digital recorder and a 10-year old Handicam that records sound in 16 bits. Except, well, cost.

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The Shadow tells…

When shooting with a greenscreen, make sure the model is away from the screen. You don’t want any light reflected back from the greenscreen onto your model. Your effects person will bless your heart, assuming they’re on set.

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Although it’s good to know who’s hungry.

Internal microphones suck. Never use the microphone that’s attached to the camera body.

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The patient net saves $$.

Over time, you can find practically any prop you need at a thrift store, or even the bins store (where the thrift stores dump their excess inventory). The sooner you tell your Art Department what you’re looking for, the cheaper the whole thing’ll be.

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The operative word is “steady”!

A cheap-ass steadicam you built using $15 worth of parts is better than no stabilizing tool at all, especially if you practice diligently with it, but it’s not a $1000 Steadicam, and it’s not realistic to compare the two. Make do with what you’ve got.

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Get. The. Shot.

There are three words that should drive everything in Production: “Get the shot.” The only two types of activities on set are activities that help get the shot and activities that are preventing the shot. Keep the former going, and minimize the latter. Food belongs to the former category, by the way.

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