“…This one’s eating my popcorn!”

Punchlines work best at the end of the joke. This goes for a verbal punchline, a visual punchline, a story punchline, whatever. Set it up with the audience, let them build up a little interest in the Anticipation Bank, and then deliver the punchline.

It’s a trick I picked up doing stand-up and improv. It’s weird to think that there’s a mechanical aspect to comedy, but it sure seems to work.

And by “punchline,” I include non-comic things as well. Even in a dramatic moment, unless you’re very, very Memento-style clever, there’s a “punchline,” a place where something is revealed that makes sense of what you’ve already seen in a way you didn’t expect.

Or buy a typewriter, ya pansy!

You don’t need fancy software to write a script — any word processor will do. The thing to remember is that no matter how much you spend on software and learning curve time, you’re basically producing a document that’s supposed to look like it came out of a 1920’s typewriter.

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Bingo! A spiny pee fish!

Please don’t ever have a character say “We’ve got company” to announce the arrival of monsters, bad guys, or other undesirables. You can do better. Likewise, “Bingo!” should probably never be used outside of the actual bingo parlor context.

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Don’t Blow It!

If you’ve got scene cards, but you haven’t written the script yet, please number the scene cards.

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Not to be confused with “hobo glue,” which is something completely different.

The same technique that will help you write a script will help you complete a movie: bum glue.

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Win This One!

It’s that time of year. If you’re a screenwriter, you can do a lot worse than winning or even placing in the Nicholl Fellowship.

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When’s the last time you read the script?

Your Script Supervisor is supposed to get in your face and interfere — their job is to make sure you aren’t screwing anything up. Listen to what’s being said.

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After he destroys the Ring, of course.

You can’t just eject the warp core and hope a matter/antimatter explosion will produce a shock wave that let’s you surf out of the event horizon. That’s stupid. Find a more down-to-Earth solution to problems for your story.

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Preparation is the antonym of frustration

Get the script to the actors as soon as possible. Give them time to learn their lines. If they ask about their characters, talk with them and make sure they have all the character notes from the writer. The more they know, the better their performance will be.

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Sand makes for a terrible foundation

Make sure the story makes sense and the script makes sense before you start. Cause and effect should make sense. Motivations should be pretty clear. What happens at different times and places should be obvious. The script is the blueprint, and everybody uses it. Where it’s weak, everything else is weak.

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