Dateline February 6, 2023 — I am interviewed on the Francy and Friends podcast.

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Unless it’s a really masterful master shot…

Don’t spend all your time getting the master shot. A master shot is important, true, but you need to get coverage, other angles, lots of things for your editor to use.

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Unless it’s a convertible.

Always lock your car doors when you go on set, and keep valuable hidden. Better yet, keep valuables either at home or on your person. Sure, it’s a closed set, and sure, everybody’s buddies, and sure, there’s Security keeping an eye on everything, but still. Lock your car.

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Stranger Danger!

If it’s not a small set or a closed set (well, why isn’t it?), make sure that the people who are supposed to be there (cast & crew) have badges or some other clear and obvious identifier. Everybody should keep their eyes out for people who don’t have this identifier.

No one likes feeling dumb.

Never underestimate the audience — they are smarter than you think, and they will get the joke.

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Explosive charges might not be a good idea.

Actors should never be allowed to take costume gear off set. You don’t have to keep their clothes hostage, but it can help.

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Finger-count must remain consistent.

Everybody working lights should get a pair of gloves. Even a cheap-o dollar-store pair of gloves is better than nothing. Lights can get very hot and you don’t want second-degree burns becoming a “badge of honor” on your sets. Spring for gloves.

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Eating’s kind of disgusting to watch.

Continuity’s even more important: Dinner scenes are really, really challenging because you have to make sure chicken legs don’t magically heal from one scene to the next. Pay close attention to who is eating what — or just plan to shoot around the plates.

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And then get back to work on the next one.

Make a big noise when you finish something. Celebrate, dammit — finishing a movie is a Significant Event!

Or none, for that matter.

Continuity’s still important! If you’re using a revolver in your movie, make sure the bullet counts are accurate. Nothing makes you look more dorky than a character talking about how she only has one bullet left when the viewer can plainly see five.

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And always look at jewelry.

Continuity’s important. For each “movie” day, make a quick sketch of what each character’s wearing and make sure you double-check that sketch against what you’re shooting. This is not something you can easily fix in post.

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“It’s pretty nice work, considering the source…”

You may run across people who try to discourage you. They may not even mean to do it, but whenever you talk with them, you’re discouraged. Your best defense is the following mantra: “Just get the shot.” Most of the folks who are discouraging are really trying to discourage themselves. Don’t buy into their limitations.

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That’s not technically a “special effect,” there…

Regarding cables, lights, power supplies and other things plugged into the wall: These things should not get hot. If they feel hot to you, tell someone immediately. You don’t want them getting any hotter, and you definitely don’t want them to start smoking or burst into flame.

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It still beats low-budget CGI!

A dog isn’t a werewolf, but careful application of camera angles, cuts, reaction shots, and good interesting sound can fool most anyone.

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Artsy blue-green color grading notwithstanding…

If you’re using a monitor (which you are, right?), then do your best to calibrate it. Calibration is simply setting the contrast, brightness, color levels, and other controls to be as accurate as possible.

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Do you see what I see?

Always use a monitor so that you can see what the camera sees without making your DoP move. On rare occasions, a monitor is contraindicated, but those are very rare occasions. You always want to know what the camera’s seeing.

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No, higher than that.

If you must use a sprinkler to simulate rain, position it high enough so it doesn’t look like someone’s peeing on your actors.

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Plus, they eat your food.

Yes, being on a film set can be fun, but think very hard before allowing people on set who are neither cast not crew. They can be dangerous wildcards.

“Oh, we thought he was with you!“

Spooky locations where mischief can happen invite mischief, such as dark woods, insane asylums, corn mazes, etc. Assign people to buddy groups for safety.

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Time for a gritty remake of Empty Room?

The fewer the actors, the fewer the sets, the fewer effects, the simpler the movie will be to make. Be realistic about what you can chew before you bite.

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Be a good camper!

If you’re shooting at a natural location, such as a beach or a forest, when you’re all done, pass out trash bags and everybody wander around picking up trash and making it prettier. Not just your production’s stuff, but spread out. Make your group the Entropy Decreasing Group.

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